Sunday, April 21, 2013

“Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened?”

When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. 

It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us. 
q       Not seeing others point of view,                problems or needs
q       Wanting things my way
q       Wanting special treatment
q       Wanting others to meet my needs–     dependence
q       Wanting what others have
q       Wanting to control–dominate
q       Thinking I'm better–grandiosity
q       Wanting to be the best
q       Thinking others are jealous
q       Wanting others to be like me
q       Being miserly, possessive
q       Wanting more than my share
q       Reacting from self loathing,                             self righteousness
q       Too concerned about me
q       Not trying to be a friend
q       Wanting to look good or be liked
q       Concerned only with my needs

q       Not seeing or admitting where I was at fault
q       Having a superior attitude–thinking I'm better
q       Blaming others for my problems
q       Not admitting I've done the same thing
q       Not expressing feelings or ideas
q       Not being clear about motives
q       Lying, cheating, stealing
q       Hiding reality–not facing facts
q       Stubbornly holding on to inaccurate beliefs
q       Breaking rules
q       Lying to myself
q       Exaggerating, minimalizing
q       Setting myself up to be “wronged”
q       Expecting others to be what they are not
q       Being perfectionistic

q       Manipulating others to do my will
q       Putting others down internally or externally to build me up
q       Engaging in character assassination
q       Acting superior
q       Acting to fill a void
q       Engaging in gluttony or lusting at the expense of another person
q       Ignoring others’ needs
q       Trying to control others
q       Getting revenge when I don't get what I want
q       Holding a resentment
q       Acting to make me feel good

Frightened (of)
q       Peoples' opinions
q       Rejection, abandonment
q       Loneliness
q       Physical injury, abuse
q       Not being able to control or change someone
q       My inferiority, inadequacy
q       Criticism
q       Expressing ideas or feelings
q       Getting trapped
q       Exposure, embarrassment

  When we retire at night, we constructively review our day.
Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life? But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflections, for that would diminish our usefulness to others. After making our review we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken. [Big Book, page 86, line 3]



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